The Power of Being Heard and Understood: A Lesson from My Babbling Toddler

My almost two-year-old is going through one of those weeks where his vocabulary seems to be exploding overnight. Suddenly, he has so much to say! And much to our delight, he is beginning to clearly articulate his wants.

In prior weeks, his father and I haven't been able to interpret his emphatic babbling, even when punctuated by wild gesticulations. We would respond with the classic "mmm," "uh huh," or "oh wow!" (our best attempts to communicate that we were listening), but he would continue babbling expectantly, as though something was missing. There wasn't yet a clear connection between his words and receiving a response that reflected what he was actually trying to communicate.

Now that we can actually understand him, it feels like something has shifted. His face lights up when we repeat his words back to him, acknowledge what he's asking for, and respond accordingly. More milk? Absolutely. Trash Truck instead of Ms. Rachel? We can negotiate.

While we can’t give him everything he asks for, the interactions seem more satisfying when we repeat his words and acknowledge that we accurately heard and understood him. I recognize his relief of feeling understood because I feel it in myself. There's a powerful felt sense and relaxation when my loved ones take the time to slow down, listen closely, and say, "I get what you're trying to tell me."

There’s something deeply regulating about feeling heard and understood — for exactly what we mean to communicate — regardless of whether the answer is yes, no, or maybe.

Helping a child or partner feel heard doesn't mean automatically agreeing with them, giving them what they want, or fixing whatever they're feeling. Sometimes it simply means pausing long enough to communicate: I hear you. Your experience matters to me. I want to understand.

For children, those moments can help build a foundation of safety, trust, and connection. For couples and families, they can become the difference between feeling alone in the same room and feeling truly connected.

And sometimes, beneath the missed request for more milk, or the frustration over a forgotten household chore, what we're really longing for is something much simpler:

“Can you acknowledge that you see me? Do you understand me? Are you with me?”

If you find yourself longing for more of that kind of connection in your family, family and couples therapy can offer a space to slow down, listen differently, and learn how to feel more understood by one another.

Set up a consultation call with one of our therapists or send a quick message through our contact page. We'd love to connect.